Friday, December 4, 2009


I just met a man who offered to teach me Farsi. When he asked why I want to learn the language I said, "because my brother knew it".

What I didn't tell him is that I want to know how to speak in a language you knew, maybe say what you said. I'm still trying to figure out why you died and this won't do the trick, but it may help me feel closer to you.

Because now that you are gone I feel less and less 'close to you'.

It just doesn't feel like the holidays. I'm knitting a scarf for Dennis and I wish I could make one for you, too.

Doesn't feel like Christmas

The holidays are quickly approaching and it doesn't feel so much like Christmas. It makes me remember the holiday season two years ago when I was running around like a crazy person trying to be "merry and bright" while watching you die.

It is such a strange dichotomy: loving the holidays and feeling so sad because I miss you. I am knitting a scarf for Dennis and wishing I was knitting one for you, too.

It's not the same without you. That Jim-shaped hole in my heart won't ever go away.