Friday, July 15, 2011

Happy Birthday

You should have turned 51 today. It was not a banner day. I cried all the way to the grocery store. I cried so hard that I couldn't see the road. I composed myself until I discovered that they don't carry Raisinettes at our grocery store, which made me completely come apart. It got better until the cashier made the fatal mistake of asking me if "I found everything I was looking for". More tears.

You should have turned 51 today. I wanted my kids to eat Raisinettes tonight after dinner while I told them about you, about the Uncle they will only know through my stories and memories.

Why didn't you turn 51 today?! Why did I ever let go of your hand after you died?! I didn't WANT to, but, truth be told, I was in uncharted territory. The man from the funeral home was there to take you away and I let go. I shouldn't have. I should have held on.

I should have never let you go.